I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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