The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
