I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
