know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
