i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
