Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
