his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
