she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
