just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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