Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
how drunk are you?
Several
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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