I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
