recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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