considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
