and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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