Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
