I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I deserve this hangover.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
