Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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