i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
