Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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