She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I love having hate sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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