Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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