How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
