you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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