You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
