Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
