So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
