She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
