"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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