I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
