Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
