the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
