This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
