i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
