there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
