Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla