this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.