Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom