some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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