Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.