Whod you bang
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
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he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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