You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
