So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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