The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
high people should be assigned attendants
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
