I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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