just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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