Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
