i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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