yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
