Are we in a gay sports bar?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
