Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
