Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
