Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
