She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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