How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize