Non-Jews are for practice
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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