am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
