rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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