I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
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