What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
