Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
