handjob tips. give me some.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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