dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
