And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
