What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
