I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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