I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
50% drunk capacity currently
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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