Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
