I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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