She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
