my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
